A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night, and led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong. One of the guests asked, "What's that big brass gong?" "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend. "Yep," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering...