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October 29, 2007 by anydigitizing
ISLAMABAD, Oct. 28 (Xinhua) -- The federal minister for Information and Broadcasting of Pakistan on Sunday asked the Pakistan People's Party (PPP) to announce its nominee for the slot of Prime Minister as the Constitution does not allow Benazir Bhutto to become Prime Minister for another term. "As the constitution does not permit Benazir Bhutto to become prime minister for a third term, the PPP should bring forth its nominee for the top slot," Muhammad Ali Durrani said at a press conferen...
October 25, 2007 by anydigitizing
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October 22, 2007 by anydigitizing
Special Report: 17th CPC National Congress BEIJING, Oct. 21 (Xinhua) -- Upon their election, top leaders of the Communist Party of China (CPC) will meet with reporters Monday morning, Xinhua has learnt. China's televisions, radios and websites are going to live broadcast the meeting scheduled for 11 a.m. Monday. A new CPC central committee was elected Sunday morning at the closing session of the 17th CPC National Congress. The central committee will hold the first pl...
July 31, 2007 by anydigitizing
These are from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap." "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich." "No...
May 14, 2007 by anydigitizing
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?" GOD says, "So you would like them." "OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?" "So you would LOVE them", GOD replies. The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?" GOD says, "So they would love you!"
May 11, 2007 by anydigitizing
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up anothe...
May 8, 2007 by anydigitizing
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR: Knows lots of dirty jokes. STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES: Stubborn. GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS AND SUBORDINATES ALIKE: A coward. SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE: Stupid. OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION: Turns in work on time. IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL: Wanted by no-one else. ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS: An office gossip. REQUIRES WORK-VALUE ATTITUDINAL READJUSTMENT: Lazy and hard-headed. HARD WORKER: Usually does it the hard way. ENJ...
May 7, 2007 by anydigitizing
TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doi...
May 4, 2007 by anydigitizing
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINT Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you. Phone someone in the office ...
May 2, 2007 by anydigitizing
These are from actual resumes: "Personal: I'm married with 9 children. I don't require prescription drugs. "I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don't let them know of my immediate availability." "Qualifications: I am a man filled with passion and integrity, and I can act on short notice. I'm a class act and do not come cheap." "I intentionally omitted my salary history. I've made money and lost money. I've been rich and I've been poor. I prefer being rich." "No...
April 27, 2007 by anydigitizing
Q: How many gypsies does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None, but you lose a lot of light bulbs. Note: None because gypsies don't have mains electricity, and the losing is a play on the larcenous reputation of Gypsies. You give a Gypsy a light bulb and ask him to change the hallway lamp, pretty soon you have one less light bulb and the hallway lamp is still out.) Q: How many Helmsley employees does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: 100: 99 to try, and one to fire them all. Note: ...
April 26, 2007 by anydigitizing
Where do ants go for their holidays? Frants! What do you call an ant who skips school? A truant! What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics? All sorts of antics! What do you call a greedy ant? An anteater! Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path? To trip up the ants! What is even bigger than an elephant? A giant! What do you call an ant in space? Cosmonants & Astronants! What do you call an ant from overseas? Impartant! What medicine would yo...
April 26, 2007 by anydigitizing
Top Ten Signs you're Not Watching a Real Baseball Team From Late Show with David Letterman; Monday, February 20, 1995 You recognize batter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier. Everytime a player slides into second, he busts his hip. They keep shouting "Do over!" When umpire yells, "Strike 3!" batter looks at him as if the dude's speaking French. Try as they might, they just can't scratch themselves like professionals. First base: Siskel. Second ...
April 24, 2007 by anydigitizing
The following is supposedly a true story relating to an actual event that took place during a flight. As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the co-pilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck t...
April 13, 2007 by anydigitizing
This weekend, I discovered a cooking tip I haven't seen listed in any cookbooks. While you are preparing the food, and after the guests have arrived, you contrive to fill the house up with smoke, preferably enough to get at least two smoke detectors going. Then you go rushing about the house, opening all the windows, setting up fans, and generally doing everything short of calling the fire department. Let the guests sit for about 1/2 hour at 50 degrees (as a result of opening the window...